Right now I feel like I am trapped, on the outside I am doing wonderfully at convincing all my friends and family I am OK, I feel fine. I am not.
I don’t know if it’s because the last 2 weeks I have dropped the ball on blogging,fitness and eating. All I know is I am stuck.
Its like I am trapped underwater trying to swim to the surface, no matter how hard I swim, I can never break through to the fresh air. I am running out of breath, fast.
Life right now isn’t easy. I’m going to put it out there bluntly I am an unemployed single parent trying to not only make ends meet (bye-bye nest egg) but I am trying to stay positive.
The worst thing is there are so many other people worse off than me, people I know. Since loosing my job, I have done nothing but grin and bare it. Be positive, well I am exhausted. It fucking sucks not being able to work, It’s not good for my mental health at all, being idle is not for me. Yes almost daily I will walk for 1.5hrs but then I come home to an empty house. I tidy and clean, but there is only so much I can do.
I want/need a job, right now the job market is very competitive. I am getting interviews all the time, but for some reason despite getting positive reviews there is always that other person who is slightly more experienced or has a better education than I. It’s like I am getting told constantly that im good, just not good enough.Its wearing thin.
This time next week I will be at dinner with my parents as its my 27th birthday. I should be happy, I have come so far yet I am not where I had hoped I would be five years ago. I want a successful career. I want to be a great example, not only for my daughter but others. I honestly feel a little disappointed in myself.
I have another interview tomorrow Morning, 9am The washing and folding is done, so I might go plonk myself on the couch with the last of my campaign and get lost in the TV.
Now before any one worries about my mental health I am off to the Dr tomorrow for a wee chat. :)